One of the most valuable lessons I learned in my journeys through adversity was the saying "Your actions are speaking so loudly, I can't hear a word that you say."
Let's start with an example. Years ago, during my horrible life of spousal abuse, and when my daughter was being molested by her father, I attended a congregation. The pastor was very famous and he said the most wonderful things. I thought to myself "Pastor H is the man with the golden words". He promised the congregation that we were loved, free, entitled to prosperity, and that he cared about us; that all the leadership cared about us. I so needed to hear those words in those days. I so needed to believe that there was life after abuse and that I had value.
A few women asked me to help lead a small Bible Study and to teach them about some of the things I had learned. I passed a copy of the study to the pastor through his secretary and asked him to let me know if he had a problem with me doing this. I knew he was busy, so I tried not to demand too much of his time. I asked him to tell me if there was an issue, otherwise I would do it. I got no reply, so I went ahead with the group. I taught about forgiveness and more. Many of the women said that I had a lot of knowledge. Then one said that I knew more than the pastor's wife. Then someone said that no one could know more than the pastor's wife, therefore I must be a Jezebel. Suddenly, I went from praise to being branded a Jezebel!
Now, I am sure it seems absurd that this would happen, but let me finish this part of the story. A couple of the women in the group rallied behind the pastor's wife to find favor from her. They all started to call me a "Jezebel" and to poison the congregation against me. I stopped teaching and kept my mouth shut. The glares were unbelievable, and it ended with the pastor's wife bearing down on me after a service with one of her friends. She towered over me and my young children. We could not speak for fear. Honestly, my throat was so dry, it closed off. The anger was palpable and her nostrils were flaring.
This is the gist of what she told me. No one cared about the abuse of my daughter and my self. No one cared what we were going through. She said I was "out of submission" for leaving an adulterous, abusing, child-molesting husband, and I needed to return to him.
This was not enough for her. Eventually the congregation interfered enough that great and terrible things happened to us. They helped my ex husband through their efforts and threw us into a series of horrible and long-lasting events. Their revenge and hatred was terrible.
I wrote to the pastor and asked for help. I did get a reply this time. Actually two. They were the same but sent to different addresses. The reply was from his lawyer. His lawyer told me in a certified letter that the man was no one's pastor, but was just an evangelist. Hmmm, he had a church. Anyway, the basic tone of those hateful letters was to go somewhere else to find someone who did care.
In the end, the "man with the golden words" was the "man with the family and army of bullies". He still makes tons of money and builds his kingdom with his golden words. While he prospers, my children and myself have very long-term damage from his part of the tribulation. My daughter has post traumatic stress disorder, as a matter of fact.
This is just one example, of people saying one thing and doing another. Abusers are classic at promises and charitable sayings. They are also classic at not following through and doing great harm instead. Remember, this was a secondary abuser. They kicked me when I was already down and handed me over to my adversaries. I have learned to be much wiser now. I don't believe people with "golden words". I want to see them put their words into practice.
Not all people who make promises are abusive. Some are just weakly intentioned. They want to say things to "help", but genuine helping requires too much effort, money, sacrifice, or resources. Remember the saying "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". In this case, remember that most people will not help when they promise. When hard times hit, most people begin to vanish. In trials you will get lots of words of comfort, but very little real comfort.
The bottom line: Give 10% of your trust to words, while letting them validate their true intentions through deeds.
(Copyright 2011, Silver Trumpets Institute, Inc.)
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