Lesson Three has a very simple truth, be careful not to underestimate your adversaries and overestimate your advocates.
This is one of the saddest and hardest lessons I had to learn. It is a very important key to surviving adversity if your adversity involves a conflict with someone else. When you trust your advocates will help you, you often let down your guard. You don't fight as hard. You don't think of all of the holes in your defences. You don't anticipate the troubles that may come your way and block them. Lesson Two discussed how advocates often are well-intentioned, but they don't come through. Remember that, when you have your defences lined up. Anticipate that you will need to have more defenses and plans in place because some, if not all of them, will fail you.
On the other hand, it is way to easy to underestimate the level of effort that your adversaries will go through. They are most often motivated by the lust for power, money, honor, and revenge. If they they feel threatened that they will lose any of these things, they will fight very hard. These types of people have no real scruples or character, so they are willing to do anything and everything. Let me say that again "Everything and Anything". That means that it will be hard for a rational person with good character to anticipate or understand the levels of attack that these individuals will engage.
You will learn quickly that adversaries are "camp builders". They will rally others to their cause using all forms of lies and manipulation. Many of their helpers are paid mercenaries. People often will do anything for money. Many lawyers will be more than glad to destroy your life for a price. Clergymen who get a good tithe will stay with the money. Agencies will believe lies and fail to investigate first. Family members will add their own agenda and are very unreliable.
For example my sister wrote a letter to the judge and told him damaging lies because she had been filled with her own shame for years. She had been a run-a-way who had many lovers at once, did drugs, dropped out of school, and did all manner of self destructive and rebellious things. She turned to an ultra-religious cult to make herself look better, but deep inside, I was always the good child: The child who got straight A's, the child who obeyed, the child who helped the family, the child who got scholarships through college. She hated me for that, and when the chance came for her to elevate her status and make me the black sheep, she lunged at it like a ravenous hyena.
Once you are down, or are perceived as weak in any way, the people who harbor hard feeling towards you find a ripe field for revenge, advancement, and their own self gratification. One must be prepared for this and have all of their defenses up as quickly as possible.
I suffered too much because I tried to be reasonable and peaceful. I trusted my volunteer help and didn't think I needed much. I spent my money on feeding, housing, and clothing my children. I should have spent it on a high priced attorney right from the start. It would have stopped a lot of the mayhem.
I was able to spare a friend with this newly acquired wisdom. We met in an abuse shelter and her situation was pretty well going the way mine was. Her husband had an attorney, family, and clergy, who were battering her. She was overwhelmed and was struggling to care for her two children who were traumatized by the salvos. I spoke clearly, plainly, and with as much conviction as I could. I said, "Missy, do whatever you have too. Beg, borrow, sell, plead, anything and everything. Get a good attorney and get one NOW. You have already waited too long. Don't listen to others who tell you to wait. MOVE."
She listened to my advice and was able to get the money from several places. It tapped everyone out. However, the lawyer quickly put an end to all the craziness that was mounting her way. Her husband's attorney was stacking petitions and orders against her without opposition, so he was going all out for full destruction. Once the playing field was leveled, the nonsense stopped.
I could give examples where women use attorney's and agencies to try and destroy men too. This is not about gender. This is about selfish people who will use whatever means they can to take everything from you that they are able to take. They don't care if they destroy you. As a matter of fact, they rather prefer to.
This truth is not just for court or agencies. It could be in a work situation where someone wants to undermine you so they get your job or get moved up. It could be in many situations where you are locked in a battle with someone.
The simple truth is this: Show maximum force at the beginning of the war, and the battle will end swiftly. Be careful not to overestimate your help and underestimate your adversaries. End the war before it carries on for years. Rally your forces quickly and show them to your adversaries so they loose their nerve to fight.
(Copyright 2011, Silver Trumpets Institute, Inc.)
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